The Consumer's Cache

BYU Reading Series: David Nielsen & Javon Tanner

2009-05-07T11:51:00.007-06:00

Response to the readings of David Nielsen and Javon Tanner at the BYU English Reading Series

This was one of the best readings I have been to, and certainly the best poetry reading behind only Billy Collins. In the intro I learned that David Nielsen plays basketball so when he got up to read he seemed like your stereotypical basketball player - tall with a slurred California-esque accent. His “City Rec Basketball” was good, no doubt. I mean, wielding a gut around like a medicine ball? Genius.

Next David read a very witty poem about underwear. It was written to Georgia, the quality assurance inspector who inspected his briefs. “Can I trust you, Georgia?” he ended with, causing a burst of laughter. Then he read about the time he thought that someone had shot the windows out of his car. “Give me the bullet next time…I want to plug the wounds with my fists…and when the paramedic asks ‘Is this your blood?’ I’ll say ‘Damn straight.’” Needless to say, it was another excellent, insightful, and funny poem. Nielsen is the Billy Collins of our generation!

When Javon Tanner read he kept apologizing that his poems were all downers unlike Nielsen’s. While it wasn't upbeat or humorous, Tanner's reading was a melancholy delight. First he read about finding a skull in the desert which he picked up and asked if life is too fast. When I read the poem before it didn’t do much for me, but when Javon read the next line with his acting prowess it just blew me away: "'Shh' you answered as sand fell from your teeth." Oh man, I got goose bumps it was so good.

Then came a poem about a day with his family in Central Park. All the kids were talking about how grave diggers must have vacant looks. Hmm…sounds like melancholy runs in the family! Anyways, the poem ended freakingly weird with a goat getting hit by a cab and bleeding apples. Ok, Javon. Whatever.

Then he finished with a poem about bleakness and fires that was good, and a poem about miscarriage from the fetus’ point of view. It really was beautiful melancholy. A great reading by both poets.

BYU Reading Series: Natasha Saje

2009-05-07T11:48:00.006-06:00

Highlights from my response paper to Natasha Saje's reading in the BYU English Reading Series

"Once she started reading, though, I had no idea what she was talking about. Lines like 'I’m a crazy sailor on the gravy boat' and 'Oh, my mackintosh! My Bilbo!' sounded like the gibberish of a madwoman to me."

"The most interesting part of the reading was when she talked about living in Baltimore. She said that the drugs and crime were so bad that people actually stole her marigolds. Like dug them up out of her yard and stole them. After living there for 7 months, I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I think Saje found a new low for the city's residents."

"The rest of Saje’s stuff was ok. I don’t think she really rang my bell though. Or floated my boat. My gravy boat."

BYU Reading Series: Ed Greary

2009-05-04T21:25:00.014-06:00

For my English 321 class I had to write a response to each guest reader. Fortunately I had a cool TA, so I could write some fun responses. Here are highlights from the my response to the reading of author Ed Greary.

Greary said that in the 1930’s the droughts were so bad that you couldn’t afford to sweat. Ha ha. So his grandpa and his kin took a vacation to California (since you can’t farm without water). They got to the beach at low tide and his brother said 'Lookie there, Ed! It’s drying up!' Ha ha…pretty witty. But pretty sad, actually, if he really meant it, which it sounded like he did.

Greary loves farm equipment so much that he will purposely wait on the freeway going behind a tractor at 3 miles per hour just to admire the machine. We come from different worlds there, Greary. So, anyways, Greary checks out his hot machine, only to realize when it turned that it was driven by a hot mama! He went off about how much he can’t get enough of rodeo queens and country women in general. Does your wife know about this, Greary? Sounds like somebody has a wondering heart to me...

Well, in conclusion, Ed Greary’s reading wasn’t quite 'Yee-haw!' but it wasn’t “There’s a snake in my boot!' either.

I'm a PC

2009-01-17T12:33:00.000-07:00

BYU Reading Series: Chris Bigelow

2008-12-22T12:08:00.009-07:00

Chris Bigelow works in contemporary Mormon literature and founded Zarahemla Books, which, I was surprised to learn, has only published 7 books. He also co-authored Mormonism for Dummies and blogs for The Sugar Beet, a Mormon version of The Onion.

Bigelow has a full beard and looks like he should have an Irish accent…or a tool belt. He read from his novel Kindred Spirits. Although the title makes me gag, I thought what he read was pretty good. It’s about a college student in Boston who get engaged to a non-Mormon. Bigelow read the part when her fiancé comes to visit her folks in Utah Valley and get baptized. The banter between the fiancé (Eric) and the worried Mormon parents is fairly entertaining. Mom's tense shoulders were an image that I particularly liked. Eric thought he was all biblical and sly when he asked if Pop’s name, Gid, stood for Gideon. “No, Gidgiddoni," Dad replied. "He was a famous general in the Book of Mormon.” The whole room LOL’d at that line. Seriously, that was, like, totally funny.

The next bit of the book that Bigelow read was pretty funny too. He mocked Xanga, Tahitian Noni and all the other ridiculous, stupid, misleading, bogus, phony, drink shams that for some reason are embraced in Utah. At the breakfast table, the mom pours Eric and Ms. Protagonist glasses of some black liquid. “It’s Zongi Juice!” she heralds. “Mom, that’s baloney,” Protagonist Jane replies. “I believe Zongi Juice was held in reserve for the latter days! After all, it is white like unto the fruit of the Tree of Life!” Mom blubbers. Then the baptism happens and Protagonist Suzy (or whatever) wonders like a primary kid what kind of sins are floating in the water.

Bigelow then read some lame mockery of BYU from The Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer, a compilation of the best of The Sugar Beet. While the bits poking fun at BYU were lame, one bit had a good premise, “Provo Man Votes Democrat Just to See What It Feels Like.” That’s pretty good. The guy who the fake article is written about said he was “overcome with carnal desire” and felt a “rush of freedom” from voting Democrat.

Did I enjoy this reading? Survey says it was pretty good. Maybe a 7 out of 10.